Mary Burns Mary Burns

Leaders Do Not Have to Be Loud

There is more to being a leader than just being loud and visible

There is more to being a leader than just being loud and visible. 

I love being the spectator at a sporting event searching for the players who are true leaders on their team.  What always amuses me is that my definition of who a leader is differs from the average fan and spectator who are all scattered in the bleachers around me. 


Typically, especially in the male sports world, the player who is the loudest and most outspoken is characterized as the leader. I call these the RAH RAH players. They like to lead the pregame huddles and they like to try to pump everyone up with a boost of adrenaline and a spirited “let’s go!” 


Every team usually has these types of players and I want to stress that they are an essential part of the team dynamic. Yet, these are not the leaders I am looking for.


Leaders are the ones who are poised and in control whether they are winning, losing, or struggling. Leaders are the ones who calmly reassure teammates when they are struggling. Leaders do not become complacent when winning; they understand that they are not alone and are team players.


I once had the honor of coaching an amazing soccer player whose leadership skills were quite abundant despite not being one of the best players on our team. I will always remember the time when she completed her 2 mile run, grabbed a quick drink, and then jogged off to run the last 50-100 yards together with various teammates who were struggling with finishing the run.

A leader’s talk is often quiet while their actions exemplify the greatest of encouragement, determination, and resilience in a positive contagious fashion. 


So…

When I am a spectator I look for the leaders. I look for the players who understand that every single person MUST be a leader in their own way; I look for the ones who will bring out the leadership qualities that are unique with their other teammates.


Leadership is not about who is the best, the loudest, or the most confident. Leadership is about being comfortable with who you are. Leadership is about wanting to be better and helping others be better. True leaders have a warrior spirit with a humble soul. 


I challenge you to expand your understanding of what leadership means. I challenge you to embrace that we are all called to be leaders in our own unique way.


Keep working hard. Be resilient.

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Mary Burns Mary Burns

Talk About It Tuesday—HOPE

Hope is a word we take for granted as athletes. We tend to cast it aside and pretend that it does not apply to our athletic self. Yet, I believe, it is one of the most important of an athlete’s attributes. 

There is a trend that I am noticing on social media that has caught my attention as it tugs at the emotional heart strings of even the grittiest of athletes. A senior in high school posts a photo of themselves as a younger kid playing their sport–then cuts to the present where they know that this is the final season that they are playing their sport––they caption it “Sorry to let you down.” 

Despite the romanticizing of childhood crazy dreams, it still is an emotional social media post. 

We can unpack many topics to discuss from this  social media trend.

First of all, there is nothing wrong with dreaming.

KIDS NEED TO DREAM. TEENS NEED TO DREAM. ADULTS NEED TO DREAM. 

YOU AS AN ATHLETE NEED TO DREAM.

Why even put yourself through working towards this crazy dream that realistically may never happen?

1. Because you never know

2. By working toward it, achieving your dream or not, you will become a better person. 

Rather than focusing on how you have disappointed your younger self, I like to use one of my favorite quotes from my favorite athlete for inspiration.

“Somewhere behind the athlete you've become and the hours of practice and the coaches who have pushed you is a little girl who fell in love with the game and never looked back... play for her.”—Mia Hamm

HOPE

Hope is a word we take for granted as athletes. We tend to cast it aside and pretend that it does not apply to our athletic self. Yet, I believe, it is one of the most important of an athlete’s attributes. 

Without hope, then what are you even doing anyway? 

If you do not have hope that you will accomplish your dreams then you never will. 

Hope is the best friend of your I WANT statements. 

I want to make varsity

I want to play on the elite team

I want to play in college 


All of the I WANT statements listed above rely on HOPE. Without hope, they are just empty words. 

Someone once let you dream as a child. If you are still active in your athletic pursuit, you still have hope. You have to. You have to have some belief–or your actions will be empty and meaningless. 

It’s OK to dream big. Even if you hope to play on the USA National Team and you train with the desire to do so—you can only improve. If you never wear the national crest on your jersey the journey was not wasted. Never underestimate the value and worth of the process and how it allows you to grow.  

So what really happens if you are a senior in high school and there is “no next year” for your sport? Did you really disappoint your younger self? That depends. If you base your identity solely on your sport, then yes, you did disappoint your younger self. 

BUT YOUR IDENTITY IS NOT JUST YOUR SPORT.

Who you are is not defined by trophies that will spend a lifetime collecting dust. You are not just a soccer player, or a basketball player, or a golfer, swimmer, volleyball, or field hockey player. 

You are you

Your athletic self is just one dimension of who you are. 

Your younger self should be proud of your hard work, dedication, and commitment to bettering yourself and crafting your athletic skills. High School graduates who were athletes, have endured not just success, but dealt with less than ideal team dynamics;frustrations over losing; less than perfect coaches and teammates; upsets; tears; anger; as well as a sense of family; success; seasons of growth; as well as having so many valuable memories.

There is so much an athlete goes through during one season–let alone years of many seasons after many seasons. 

So….

No…

I don’t think you need to apologize to your younger self.

I think that they are proud of you.

And if you are not a senior–you keep holding on to hope and working for what YOU WANT.


And if you accomplished your wildest dreams–enjoy–but always strive for what’s next.

I would love for someone to post their younger self, followed by a series of all they accomplished, (friendships and all) and end the post with “I know I made you proud. Thank you for believing in me.”

Stay hopeful, athletes…and be resilient


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Mary Burns Mary Burns

Team Culture

When I watch NCAA Women’s Basketball, I see that there are many personalities that make up a team. While the outside world can chirp and argue, the members of the team have to find a way to stay united and succeed.

The 2024 NCAA Women’s Basketball Tournament has showcased the various types of personalities which make up every team. While the media and fans argue over who is the better player, or which team is the “better model for sports culture”, I have noticed that no one is advising younger players as to what to expect in regards to team chemistry. 

When I watch NCAA Women’s Basketball, I see that there are many personalities which make up a team. While the outside world can chirp and argue, the members of the team have to find a way to stay united and succeed. 

We can’t have all five starters on Iowa’s team be Caitlin Clark clones. Nor can we have everyone play like JuJu Watkins, or Angel Reese. Every single team who is playing in the Elite 8 has a core set of players who have bought into the team’s vision and are finding ways to work together to achieve it. 

Playing a sport is difficult. Being a teammate is difficult. You are always going to have teammates who you love and teammates that you would love to see play somewhere else. I am sure you have even had people comment negatively about one of your teammates; how they play, their demeanor, their behavior, or even their attitude. Oftentimes, outside opinions can become contagious and begin to seep into your team’s culture, further fueling your own frustrations with teammates. 

Accept that some teammates will just be a challenge for you.

This is true and accurate for every type of athletic personality, not just the “non-controversial.” The so-called “controversial” players have to also tolerate teammates that are not like them. 

When you watch higher level teams play, begin asking yourself, how would I like to play with this individual? I also challenge you to find good qualities as to why it would be beneficial to be a teammate of an individual that you normally would not consider wanting to be their teammate. How would you be the best teammate for this individual to foster overall team success? 

How do you deal with teammates who are a challenge to you?

I always remind players that they should never expect everyone to be like them. Everyone is unique and approaches their sport in different ways. What works for them may not work for others. Having too many similar player personalities, for me, would most likely produce a boring one dimensional team who are unwilling to be challenged. Remember, growth is usually uncomfortable and challenging.

The following are recommendations for athletes to navigate the ever challenging world of team chemistry:

  • You should not only know–but also understand what your overall team vision is. Your coach should have communicated with your team what is expected: your team’s purpose, ambitions, rules, and behaviors that allow your team to pursue your greatest ambitions. This is the foundation of your team. Every member of your team should be aware of this vision and on board with this vision. When the overall vision is not shared, the foundational walls begin to show signs of cracking. It is then where you have to meet with your captains or the coach to repair and fix the problems before they become too severe.

  • Accept others for who they are. How teammates pursue the team vision varies from one athlete to another. Do not insist that it has to match your style. Remember, you are looking for what is beneficial for the overall common good of your team. Every athlete must have an individual identity and role within the team vision. How they approach the vision may be different than your own. What matters is that they believe in the foundational structure of the team vision and that they share in the team’s best interest.  

  • SET YOUR BOUNDARIES. Know the lines that you will not cross as an athlete and hold firm with them. Never compromise your integrity. Never place yourself in situations that you feel are toxic. Never cheat. Never tolerate bullying. Never tolerate manipulation.  Do not tolerate anyone not allowing you to be your real self. Do not be afraid to communicate any of this with your captains or coaches. Speak up for yourself. Never be afraid for your voice to be heard.

  • Know when to let things go. There will always be teammates who annoy you. There will be days when what frustrates you seems more intense and harder to deal with than others. Remember, there is always a difference between “annoying” and “destructive” as well as “frustrating” and “toxic.” Teams spend so much time with one another that feuds and drama will always happen in some way, shape, or form. Try to let it go for 24 hours–if it is still persistent, then move forward with how to handle it. Remember, you do not have to be friends with everyone on the team–but you need to respect them and treat them well both on and off the court/field etc. Always remember, that anyone can change for the better. Do not hold grudges with teammates. Allow for possible growth rather than being continuously closed off. (Yet, always set your boundaries!) 

  • Set team boundaries. Never talk trash about your teammates outside of your team especially to players on other programs. It is one thing to vent to a close trusted friend or mentor, it is an entirely different thing to bash a teammate. This also includes what you say to your other teammates. Always understand what your intent is. Is your intent to solve a problem or just complain and bash? If it is the latter, then you are also facilitating issues that will further crack your team's foundation.

  • Learn to see the good in others. Challenge yourself to find the positive reasons that your “challenging” teammate is a valuable member of your team. Try to view things from your coach’s perspective. Learn to understand the value of your teammate and how they are a key to achieving your team’s greatest success. Focus on the good. 

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